Originally sent via email on March 5, 2010

 I spent last week in hospital with what I thought was a severe reaction to some new medication. Turns out my cancer is back and has spread to my lungs and spleen. It is not operable. The longest prognosis anyone will give me is two years. So it's Freedom 52 for me!! At least now I can stop worrying about how to support myself in my golden years.

At this time we are still awaiting results from some tests before knowing the best way to proceed. Whatever, it will be palliative.

While I will admit to being more than a little apprehensive, my fear of what the future holds is somewhat tempered by the experience of having had cancer treatment before. There is comfort in knowledge, even knowledge of unpleasant matters. As for shuffling off this mortal coil, I’m less afraid of dying than I am pissed off about the stuff that I’m going to miss. About that fear factor: Trust me when I say nothing is more frightening than a thought of wanting to commit suicide. Everything else pales by comparison. My faith has sustained me in many of life’s trials, and I’m sure it will uphold me even in this. As for “the great beyond”, all I know is that I have stopped praying to come back as my Aunt Edith’s overly spoilt cat (I won’t go into the graphic details about my relationship with phlegm when admitted to hospital last week). I much preferred the idea of being a dog in any case.

In many ways, I feel very fortunate to have this happen. I suddenly realize the need to make the most out of every day, no matter what that day has in store. There are an awful lot of funny things about life, even cancer, if you just take the time to appreciate them. Maybe there's a book in there somewhere. Or a script for a musical comedy. I wonder if Carol Channing is available to take on the lead role.

           

To those I have known me for many years, thank you for your endurance. For those who are “newer” friends, thank you for your bravery re taking me on. To all of you, words cannot possibly describe the love and respect I have for each and every one of you. Every adventure is more enjoyable when it’s shared, and you’ve made the journey thus far a very fun ride!

As I leave work behind to embark on the next phase of my journey, I wish you all much joy, good health, and continued success as you continue on your own path.

With much affection and best wishes.

THE PARTING GLASS (from The Wailin’ Jennys, on their “40 Days” CD).

Of all the money that ere I had, I spent it in good company.
And of all the harm that ere I've done, alas was done to none but me.
And all I've done for want of wit, to memory now I cannot recall.
So fill me to the parting glass. Goodnight and joy be with you all.

Of all the comrades that ere I had, they're sorry for my going away,
And of all the sweethearts that ere I had, they wish me one more day to stay,
But since it falls unto my lot that I should rise while you should not,
I will gently rise and I'll softly call, "Goodnight and joy be with you all!"