A Crack in the Delicate Veneer of My Life

The reality of my own situation seems to have suddenly hit me. Had a meltdown yesterday while waiting for my meds at the Cancer Agency. The trigger was a delay in getting the prescription filled (I've been kept waiting between 2 and 4 hours each time I go to get the drugs - yesterday I waited nearly 3 hours because the pharmacist-in-training filled the order incorrectly and had to start all over again - twice - which also meant checking over my lab results to ensure proper dosage was given and filling out the various trial/study forms each time). While the delay was frustrating, I can't believe it was the sole reason for my going into a full-tilt rage and subsequent sob-fest. I'm made an appointment to see one of the Cancer Agency's counsellors and have also made an appointment with my psychiatrist. Can't believe that after four years of dealing with the day-to-day crap of the disease I'm suddenly upset. Don't worry. I have the good sense to get the help I need. One fleeting thought of suicide is more than enough for one life-time, thank you very much.

On a happier note, got the latest CT scan results yesterday. While there is MINOR spread, there is also a slight reduction in the size of some of the pre-existing lesions. On the main, the oncologist considers it to be an "unchanged" reading. Which is very good.

Also learned that I will be seeing the oncologist every three weeks for the rest of the time I am on these drugs. For some reason thought I wouldn't have to do that after the summer. This will have an effect on any future travel plans, but I'm sure I can adapt.

I'll share photos and stories from my last couple of weeks - when I enjoyed the company of Dan and later Trudy - in a few days.