Please Do Not ...

This post will make much more sense after you read the following entry. But read this one first.

Know that your love, support, and prayers have meant far more to me than I can express in words. As such, I apologize for any hurt caused by what follows. It is not meant to be taken personally. It is not meant to "target" anyone in particular. It is merely an expression of what I need and do not need at this time.

As you will learn in the post that follows, this is becoming an extremely stressful time for me. What I say here is a feeble attempt to reduce at least some of that stress.

I am sorry if any of this comes across as rude. I am simply stating what I need and do not need at this time, and will try to add some explanation in the hope that y'all can "get it" a bit better.

Deep breath. Here we go:

Please DO NOT -

1) Please do not phone me. I have very little energy to talk about my situation other than to the few select people (e.g. family) who need be kept informed as things develop. Also, I do not wish to keep repeating the same information ad nauseum. Know that when I feel up to talking to you, I will call. In the meantime, I will endeavour to update this blog as much as possible.

2) Please do not project your fears on me in any conversations we do have. I do not need you to tell me that "this is awful" or "how terribly tragic". And please don't tell me to get a second opinion, or that this could lead to something else, or any other verbal wringing of hands. Should I be bald when next we meet, do not cry over my hair loss - it didn't bother me before and I doubt it will bother me should it happen again - or any other physical changes you may detect. I have my own concerns and fears to contend with. I have neither the time nor the energy to deal with yours.

3) PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANY OF THIS WITH MY MOTHER!!! Should you talk to or see my mother, do not mention my condition. If she brings up the topic, try to change the direction of the conversation or be as vague as possible - "I haven't talked to J for sometime, but when we last spoke she was fine" will likely suffice. Mom is already worried enough about me. She also has her own health issues. I have always been upfront and honest with Mom regarding my situation. That will not change. However, it is best that she be given only essential information on a need-to-know basis - from me. She can't process much more than that.

4) Please do not suddenly start searching the Internet to find out more information about my situation. Much of what is posted is erroneous. Many of the sites are not credible. Much of the information on credible sites is outdated. While some of the case studies may pertain to others with similar conditions, each of us will have enough individual variations to make any comparison useless. My medical team is my go-to for information.

5) Please do not send me information about amazing/wonderful/break-through "cures". Cold hard fact is that should such a thing exist, it would already be in wide general use. Besides, I have no intention of spending the foreseeable future downing copious quantities of baking soda in water or pureed asparagus or whatever. Should the time come that proven science-based medicines are no longer an option, I may opt for something alternative. Or not. My medical team keeps me abreast of the most recent research regarding many non-traditional approaches as well as science-based medical advances, so I'll be in good shape to form a plan if/when the time comes.

6) Please do not suggest that what has befallen me isn't fair. I've had 50+ excellent years of a very blessed life. The only certainty in life is that none of us gets out alive. We've all gotta go sometime. I suspect that, statically, I have a far greater chance of being a traffic fatality.

7) Please do not play the "religion card" with me. Do not say things like "it's God's will" or "how can a loving God do such a thing?" or "if you would only accept 'the true faith' you will be surely saved". In my view, such rantings are an expression of the speaker's own religious hang-ups. Please keep yours to yourself. I have a very strong faith that has and continues to sustain me.

Guess that's it, at least for now.

Many thanks for your understanding.