Cruelest Month

TS Eliot maintained that April was the cruelest month. I beg to differ. December is shaping up to claim that honour.

The change of the calendar page brought with it increasingly persistent list of aches and pains for Momzy. Medical expertise ensures us it's nothing, yet for mother dearest it remains a constant discomfort or worse. On top of that, she is having trouble sleeping and is generally withdrawing from life. Have started providing 24-hour care, but the cost of doing so is not sustainable for more than a couple of months. Much as I don't want to, I am having to seriously consider getting her into a care facility. Damn but I do hate the role reversal that comes with age.

In recent days, Momzy's angst has been compounded by news that her oldest and dearest friend, Edith, had a debilitating stroke. Mom isn't able to make the journey to the US to see her friend, and would need almost as much care as Edith should she be there. Doing my best to console her here at home. A very sad situation on both sides of the border.

Also feeling more than a little stress of my own. The push-pull of various seasonal social events both on the Coast and in Vancouver is starting to take a toll. Have had to bow out of a few things already as roller-coastering med/post-med effects are doing their bit to my increasingly battered body. Add the disappointment and guilt of not seeing everyone I want to or should see, and it starts to be a bit much. Toss in some more discomfort breathing when lying down, insomnia from lack of sleep due to concerns re Momzy and Edith, to say nothing about general fatigue from previous cancer treatments and worry about those yet to come, my own precarious financial situation, and I start to feel like Joe Btfsplk (from the comic strip L'il Abner). Call in to psychiatrist re upping anti-depressants.

Looking forward to January. A chance at a fresh start, perhaps for the year as well as for life.

Must be a hurtin' country song lyric or two in all of this. Where's Hank Williams when ya needs 'im?