Talkin' 'Bout a Resolution

I for one am certainly pleased to have seen the last of 2010. Especially given the last days of the year were so downright nasty. After Momzy and I battled the flu bug, all of our holiday guests decided they need to experience the same, um, liberating event. Heard several other folks here on the Coast also received a virus or two over the holidays. Hope all are feeling better now and we all enjoy a healthier 2011.

Speaking of the new year, this seems like as good a time as ever to talk about the tradition of making resolutions. I admit to having a great deal of difficulty adhering to the usual diet and exercise-type resolutions. I've never smoked, so that one doesn't really count in my case. Given my tendency to embrace more atypical aspects of life from time to time if not most of the time, I have opted to be much more realistic this year when it comes to resolving to do anything. So, here are a few of my goals for 2011:

Relive My Childhood:
Okay, not all aspects of it, but certainly the fun bits. I've lived this long in spite of a candy-based diet in my youth - if nothing else, returning to that regime will sweeten my already saccharin personality. I'll explore the limits of my body parts - how many times can I make strange noises with my armpits without stopping? Perhaps I'll actually learn to "play" Flower of Scotland with my nose. Maybe I'll try rollerskating again. And read under the covers using a flashlight. It's been ages since I've tried out a swing - maybe this is the year I gather the courage to conquer the rope swing at Hotel Lake. I'll take time to ponder the stars, catch snowflakes and raindrops on my tongue. Perhaps I'll visit the old neighbourhood or get together with childhood friends. Thanks to Wayne Wou for asking about my memories of growing up in Sapperton (research for an upcoming book) - a real catalyst for thinking about those bygone days.

Acquire a New Skill:
If I hadn't forced Momzy to endure two years of accordian recitals when I was a kid, I might venture in that direction. Since I've been there and done that - and the compulsory ballet lessons - I'll have to find something else worth my time and effort. Taxidermy, while useful in some circles, doesn't have much of a place in my life as I like most of my critters lively and happy - unless they are properly prepared portions of a meal. Perhaps I'll take up chess or dominos, or learn to write in Sanskrit. If I become at least partly fluent in Middle English, I will be better able to converse with my friend Jon. Hmmm. Crossed kayaking off my bucket list last year - thanks for Ellen's lesson on the Saint John River. Might give sailing a go in 2011.

Break a World's Record:
The Ariadne Women's Chamber Choir of Sudbury, Ont., recently took its act two kilometres underground in Vale Inco Ltd.'s Creighton Mine in Sudbury - setting the new world record for the deepest a cappella performance. Anyone who has heard my vocal abilities knows I'm not about to challenge that record any time soon, but there must be something else I can do. Since I don't like Coke, I should have little trouble surpassing John Burley's collection of 600 un-opened bottles. Staff at the Tripsdrill Amusement Park in Cleebronn, Germany, created a sock line with more than 10,000 pairs, measuring 2,324.08 metres (a world record for the longest sock washing line) - I don't knit fast enough to make that many pairs of socks in my lifetime let alone have time to hang them on a line! Pendleton Weaving Mills unveiled a 453-foot jacquard blanket, the longest seamless blanket on record - I don't weave fast enough to challenge that record (Penny will tell you I've had the same blanket warp on my loom for the past 3 years!). For the record, I'm very willing to be part of group challenges such as the longest human shoulder massage chain (currently 710 participants), largest group of hokey pokey dancers (500), longest conga line of people wearing wellies (208)... Will have to think a bit more re this one. Maybe the largest ball of tin foil or rubber bands needs a new challenger.


Or perhaps I'll leave the concept of New Year's resolutions to the experts.


Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.

James Agate
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.


Leonard Bernstein
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

Mark Twain
New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.